Andie Thueson » Wellness » Marriage » 5 Effective Ways To Save A Marriage From Falling Apart!

5 Effective Ways To Save A Marriage From Falling Apart!

First thing, before we dive right into how to save a marriage from falling apart, I want you to take a serious look at your relationship. Before deciding if your relationship can be saved, you need to take a good long honest look at your relationship. If you are in an abusive relationship and there is physical violence or emotional abuse, I need you to know that you are worthy of a healthy and happy relationship. That means having a partner that respects you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Violence of any kind is a deal-breaker and is not ok! I need you to know and understand this. At the end of the day, you must feel safe!

Having a successful marriage takes work. If your relationship is struggling and you feel at a loss of what to do moving forward, consider seeking professional help. Seeking the guidance of a marriage counselor may help you to see your partner’s perspective and for them to see your perspective in a safe, protected space. These new perspectives may help you move forward with a unique point of view and a better understanding of each other’s needs. Couples counseling may be just the thing your relationship needs to improve poor communication and help you reestablish your emotional connection and start fresh on common ground.

If you find yourself in a committed relationship that has just hit a rough patch and you want to see a shift in your marriage relationship, take a deep breath a read on! This article reviews simple and effective ways you can take a broken relationship and breathe some new life back into it! You didn’t get married to get divorced. You married the love of your life for a reason, and now it is time to remember and rebuild that foundation.

After twenty years of marriage and coaching many others, I have seen firsthand what a few small shifts can do to change an unhappy marriage dynamic completely.

Marriage can be hard and it may seem like your marriage is falling apart here are effective ways you can save your marriage!
Marriage takes work, but I promise the effort is worth it!

Let’s Dive In: Five Ways To Reignite A Troubled Marriage, Today!

  1. Write down your ideal relationship: For this exercise, I want you to find a quiet place, light a candle, and clear your mind of all the things you feel are going wrong in your marriage. Now get out a piece of paper and pen. Pour your heart and soul into writing out what your ideal relationship with your spouse looks like. Write it out as you wish it could be; write everything out as if it is already that way. For example, if you don’t have trust within your marriage and you want it, write…I am in a happy marriage filled with joy and trust. Write about different activities you want to enjoy together, places you want to go, and things you want to say to one another. Fill the new story you are creating with joy, love, laughter, passion, fun, and any other energy you want to infuse it with. Fill your page with the positive experiences and positive interactions you wish to have more of within your marriage. If it feels like you are living separate lives, write about how much you enjoy sharing in each other’s daily wins and how you are always rooting for one another. Write about how our spouse is your best friend, and you love spending quality time together! Whatever you feel like your relationship is lacking, rephrase and rebuild it with your pen and paper. This is your chance to partner with the Universe and to recreate your marriage and see it evolve to the strong marriage you desire! Now fold up your new glorious story and put it in your wallet or purse. Pull it out daily and read it, savor it, and envision this new version of your relationship.
  2. Get clear on what you love about your partner: For this activity, I want you to reflect on the good times and how things were like at the beginning. What made you fall in love with your spouse in the first place. I see this in many couples; the very things that attracted us to our spouse in the first place are the same things that drive us nuts now. For example, Mr. Thueson loves having everything tidy. When we first got married, I adored his “cute” obsession with cleanliness. But the longer we were married, the more I found it irritating that he couldn’t just chill and relax. Now I often remind myself not to be irritated and to remember that this little quirk is just part of who He is and helps me be a much tidier person by default. So instead of making a laundry list of grievances and annoyances, focus on all the things that make you all gooey inside when it comes to your spouse. I love the spotlight effect, (where you focus goes your energy flows) and with this exercise, it pairs well. When you focus on all the fantastic, beautiful things your spouse does, the good news is, the more your mind will automatically see those traits. It’s like magic! But if you choose to focus on all the things that drive you bonkers, well, the more, you will see those nasty annoying traits! So be very careful of your focus, friends.
  3. Please put on your partner’s shoes: Sometimes, we can be so hell-bent on being right that we do not take a minute to step back and evaluate the situation from our spouse’s point of view. I wrote a whole article on my five-year rule. This is a great rule to remember when you find yourself all fired up and wanting to fight. As you’re taking a deep breath, ask yourself, will this matter in five years? Chances are it won’t. And the next question is, how may my partner see this? A common mistake we make is not taking the time to review the “why” behind our partner’s behavior. We put our personal needs ahead of compassion and empathy. Maybe our spouse had a terrible day at work and just wanted to come home to a place he felt loved, and you met him at the door railing about more things he “did wrong.” How would that make you feel? Remember to choose LOVE first! When we choose to view our relationship through the lens of love, so much shifts and changes for the better! Your spouse will see the difference in you and will follow your new lead.
  4.  Flirt your ass off (With your partner, of course!) Don’t underestimate this step! When couples first meet, this comes so naturally. After a while, people usually stop flirting and start fighting. If this is you, choose to change this now! Take the reins to begin bringing excitement back into the relationship and watch your partner jump in and play along. Pretend you are just starting to date. Send random flirty text messages. Send them a “look” from across the room. Make them feel wanted and sexy. Start having fun again! This is so important. Lack of affection is often one of the first things to go when marriage problems start to arise. Don’t let a lack of intimacy derail your marriage. Take time for a long weekend away! “Pick up” your spouse in the hotel lobby and invite them back to your room. Surprise them with sexy new lingerie! {I get a new box of sexy goodies every month from wantable! It is a fun way to keep Mr. Thueson guessing, bringing a new level of fun! I’ll do a fashion show with my new items and let help him pick what to keep and what to send back. Click the link to save $10 off your first sexy box!}

    I love getting my sleep and body edit each month! It’s a fun way to keep things spicy 😉
  5. Remember your spouse is not responsible for your happiness: When I released Mr. Thueson from being the sole owner of my happiness and took back that responsibility for myself, mountains that seemed insurmountable moved within our relationship. I no longer looked to Him to make me happy; that was on me! And I was not responsible for making Him happy; that was his job. Your job is to make yourself happy and then to share that joy with your spouse. When you are both happy, you both have so much more joy to share. But you do need to support them on their journey. If playing golf once a week helps your spouse relax and blow off steam, support them and cheer them on! Use effective communication to ensure your needs are known. Make  a conscious effort to be the biggest cheerleader in each other’s lives.

BONUS: Know Your Spouse’s Love Language

There are five love languages ways we express our love to others and ways we love to loved. You may feel like you’re showing your spouse you love them all day long by doing little acts of service for them, but if they need physical touch to feel loved, they might not be getting your “memo.”

The Five Love Languages Are: 

  1. Physical Touch: This is not just sex. This is a hug, a handhold, rubbing their back – basically showing them they are loved in a physical way.
  2. Acts of Service: Doing things for you, so you don’t have to worry about it.
  3. Words of Affirmation: Letting you know how awesome you are with words. Hint* If negative talk hurts you deeply, this may be your love language.
  4. Quality Time: Love spending time alone with just you!
  5. Gifts: Receiving or giving gifts.

Look at the list above. You may like to show love in one way but may want to receive love in another way. Think about how your spouse loves to be loved and how they may show their love to you. Paying attention to this may help you see things in a new light.

For more information on The 5 Love Languages check  out the book by Gary Chapman. I highly recommend giving it a read!

Last thing, I hope this article helped you see that even though things may seem dim, there is always hope to transform your bad marriage into a good marriage, and eventually into a fantastic marriage!! This is is not a quick fix. A great relationship takes time and work. But dear friend, it is so worth it!

7 Comments

  1. Emelia Honey says:

    I love this advice! I had never thought about actively trying to flirt with my husband more, but it is a great idea. It would bring back that bit of magic that is the reason we got together in the first place, that attraction. All relationships need working at. I am very happily married, but you shouldn’t get complacent. We’ve been married 10 years and I’ve realised you need to constantly work at it.

  2. I also like this suggestion! It has been a long time since I conducted such an operation with my wife. The current feelings are very weak. I realized that I also need to work hard to save it

  3. Brickmover says:

    I also like this suggestion! It has been a long time since I conducted such an operation with my wife. The current feelings are very weak. I realized that I also need to work hard to save it

  4. These are such great tips! I’ve been married for 13 years and still love reading and learning! It all helps so much. Thanks for sharing these!

  5. Love these!! I will be implementing these daily!! Thank you!

  6. I love the flirting advice! So true. I’ve been married for 20 years and can confirm flirting does spice things up!

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