Andie Thueson » Wellness » Men's Health » Why Men Need Space

Why Men Need Space

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Inside: He’s not trying to push you away, men need time to reflect, relax and reconnect that is why men need space, so they can come back and give their best to you.

Maybe I Will is growing!! I am so excited to introduce another contributor to the Maybe I Will family. 

Craig L Boucher is one of the coolest guys I know. He is an author, high-performance life coach and public speaker as well as one of the fittest guys  I know. He is one of the few people that can actually keep up with me at the gym. 😉 We met at boxing and have fast become friends! He is my business mentor and I am excited that he’ll be joining the team to share health and wellness tips for men!!

Now we will have an inside track into how we can help the men in our lives become more fit, healthy and positive! 

Without further adieu 

Let’s face it men have issues, Seriously! That’s why we men need space! 

Yes, men are often times seen as ‘the rock” an un-emotional being, unflinchingly marching ahead no matter the pain and suffering that life throws at him. Though those characteristics make for a gutsy action hero they are far from the truth.

The myth that men do not feel a high level of anxiety or experience unrelenting stress each day is false.

Truth be told, men are given far too much credit for their ability to manage stress and women far too little. Women are actually incredible at managing multiple projects and roles at one time and all the stress associated with those challenges. One day our society may put away the stereotypes and realize that regardless of our sex we are all under difficult life pressures, the difference between women and men is in how we manage our stress.

Why men need space

Any honest man will tell you that, yes, he feels stress. At times his brain feels like it is running at high speed like a mouse on a cup of coffee crazily chasing through a maze after a piece of cheese. Men will tell you that the pressure to “do it all” is incredibly intense. We feel the pressure to provide and protect, to love and to cherish, to “make” our partners and children happy even as we wonder are we happy? We struggle to juggle the roles of father, husband, brother and son, employee, boss and many more.

[Tweet “Men relish solving problems but struggle dealing with a problem like stress that is more felt than seen, more hands off than hands on.”]

Men really do want to understand what is bothering them, they do recognize the issues but they just as quickly set them aside. Sure they are not thinking as sharp (but headaches go away), true they are irritable (but who wouldn’t be if they had a job like this), not sleeping as soundly (with a big tax bill to pay, missing sleep means you care), that they have lost their enthusiasm for a favorite hobby or sport (but that’s normal to set aside things of your youth) or that their appetite for food and sex is hit and miss (guess that happens as you get older). In other words, it’s not that men don’t care about their health, but because stress comes and goes and affects us so differently as individuals, men may not have stress issues identified on their radar as clearly as other issues.

Besides not identifying the stress issue clearly, men put off seeking a solution because another demand takes precedence.

Men are wired to solve ‘immediate’ problems first.

Rushing to put out the next “fire”, men hear the voice of their spouses and friends say “let’s get that checked out” but are too caught up in what they feel is the most immediate threat. This all leads to men pushing forward with their head buzzing incessantly, and their body shouting warnings to slow down. Men do know that you can’t put a net on stress and that it will materialize out of the blue, in the form of serious physical issues like muscle aches, back and neck pain headaches, sexual impotency, indigestion, constipation, weight gain or loss and more seriously high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity and diabetes. It’s at this point that men stop and take notice.

Interestingly that when stress issues finally get in our face, clearly identified as an immediate issue, the nature of stress then asks for us to use a tool that is usually not found in their toolbox. The tool multiple studies have shown to be most effective is meditation. Know that men don’t outright swear off meditation. Men know that meditation is the practice of creating a deeper awareness of our thoughts and emotions, it’s not about controlling or forcing thoughts but also it’s not about letting them control you. For men the concept is sound. Men get that meditation may work but unlike a jacked up truck or the latest power tool, it ain’t sexy. The thought of meditation may wrinkle the brow but at the end of the day the mindset of the man set on solving problems is, let’s “gett’er done”, stress is a serious problem and will be dealt with.

For those looking on from the outside recognize that stress may be an issue and meditation may be the solution but understand this doesn’t mean every man will be smelling incense, beating a drum and chanting ‘ohm’ while wearing a pair of stretchy pants. Every problem-solving man will exercise the option to apply the method differently. Which means meditation may take the form of whittling a piece of wood on the back porch, working on the old jeep in the garage, fishing in a cool clear stream, sitting up on a cold night tending a warm fire, staring for hours into a bright star-filled night sky, a long walk with a good dog, or a riding a mountain trail alone with his horse.

The thing to remember is that meditation is a process, not an event. It’s not ‘only’ for people that can’t handle life. Meditation is supposed to be individualized and applied to fit our needs not the other way around. Mediation is about listening, connecting with and being comfortable with our feeling and thoughts not being concerned about what other folks think is the way we should do things. Being honest, being true, being real, doing our best, meditation is the place to “be” and men… and women, are on board with that.

So ladies give your man time and space to think things out, encourage him to go find a quiet hobby that allows him the opportunity to relax, reflect and reconnect. 

3 Comments

  1. I like that he pointed out that meditation comes in many forms, not just chanting and wearing yoga pants. haha When my husband needs to unwind, he listens to music or goes golfing. 🙂

  2. My husband loves doing yard work. It’s a win win.

  3. This was a greta read. I learned a lot. My husband started meditating and it helped a lot with stress.

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