Finding Freedom in Authenticity: How To Stop Chasing
The “Blast From My Past” That Turned Into a Soul-Level Conversation
Some conversations feel like a warm cup of tea.
And some feel like a mirror, a wake-up call, and a permission slip… all at once.
This week on Own Your Piece, I sat down with Melissa Watts, a true blast from my past from my Las Vegas chapter, and a woman whose life is a living example of what it looks like to follow the pull of your soul (even when it makes zero logical sense on paper).
Melissa is the founder of Lash Bar (a gorgeous beauty space in Lehi, yes, I thought it was Alpine too), but this conversation might surprise you because it goes way beyond lashes and aesthetics. We talked about:
- Nervous system regulation and what it really takes to heal
- The pressure of beauty standards, especially in Utah
- How to stop “reaching” outside yourself for fulfillment
- The difference between romanticizing solitude and actually living it
- Plant medicine, intuition, and why discernment matters
- Human Design, astrology, and how “being seen” changes everything
If you’ve been craving permission to be yourself, without the performance, this one is for you.
Melissa’s “Inside-Out” Tool: Stop Chasing the Feeling Outside Yourself
Early in our conversation, Melissa shared a practice she uses with herself and her clients that I immediately wanted to bottle and hand to everyone.
What the “Inside-Out” Practice Is
When you catch yourself reaching for something outside of you anything ask:
- What do I think I’m going to feel when I get that thing?
- How can I give that feeling to myself from the inside, right now?
This is such a simple question… and it’s also the kind that can change your life.
Why This Works So Well (Even When Life Still Hurts)
Melissa shared something incredibly tender: she’s always wanted children, and she recently experienced a miscarriage, something she hadn’t really shared publicly before.
And yet, in her inner work, she kept coming back to the real root desire:
unconditional love.
Not the “thing.” The feeling.
And when she began giving that unconditional love to herself, something softened inside her. Not in a way that dismisses grief, because grief is real. But in a way that stops your longing from becoming a prison.
This is the kind of self-love I believe we’re all here to learn:
the kind that doesn’t depend on outcomes.
The Foster Journey, Detachment, and Trusting Yourself With Uncertainty
Melissa also shared she’s in the process of becoming a foster parent, and I just want to pause and honor the bravery in that.
The fostering process is thorough (for good reason): finances, medical background, training, paperwork, the whole thing.
But what stood out most was her mindset. She described asking herself a powerful question before making big moves:
“If I do this, and the outcome doesn’t happen, will I still be okay with my decision?”
That’s emotional maturity. That’s detachment without numbness. That’s trusting yourself even when life doesn’t deliver what you thought it would.
And honestly? That’s a spiritual practice.
Maui Didn’t “Fix” Her It Slowed Her Enough to Heal
We talked about Melissa living in Maui for two years alone and how the romantic version of “living in paradise” is not the same thing as actually being alone with yourself long enough for your nervous system to recalibrate.
She said something that hit me hard:
“Even though I was meditating and doing yoga and therapy… I truly wasn’t sitting still long enough for the pendulum to come back.”
The Pendulum Analogy (And Why It’s So Important)
Melissa described emotions like a pendulum.
Some people have a small swing steady, contained.
Some people (like her) have a wide swing, deep lows, and high highs.
And here’s the key:
When you feel low, but you force “I’m fine,” you’re holding the pendulum up artificially.
That creates tension. And eventually? A harder swing.
But when you let yourself be honest, this is hard, and you sit with it, the pendulum naturally returns toward center.
That’s regulation.
Not the performative kind. The real kind.
Why We Struggle to “Just Be” (And Why Performance Gets Celebrated)
One of my favorite lines from this episode:
“Performance is celebrated. Sitting still is not.”
Whew.
We live in a world that rewards output, polish, productivity, and proof. It’s no wonder so many of us feel anxious when we aren’t “doing.”
And it’s why we pick up our phones without thinking.
Melissa’s approach isn’t shame-based. It’s awareness-based:
- Notice the pattern
- Remove the judgment
- Get curious
- Create safety in the body
- Choose again
This is nervous system-friendly growth.
Not punishment disguised as self-improvement.
Beauty Standards, Utah Culture, and Where Worth Actually Comes From
This part of the conversation was layered, honest, and (I think) needed.
Melissa shared what it felt like to return to Utah after being immersed in places where bodies weren’t constantly being evaluated, Maui, Africa, kiteboarding communities, spaces where people weren’t trying so hard to be “acceptable.”
And we talked about the difference between:
Enhancing for Fun vs. Proving Worth
There’s a version of beauty routines that can be playful, like frosting on the cake.
And there’s a version that’s driven by fear and performance.
The question isn’t “Is this good or bad?”
It’s:
- Is this coming from love?
- Or is this coming from lack?
That distinction changes everything.
And if you’ve ever felt that pressure to “look right” in order to belong, please hear me: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. You’re just waking up.
Plant Medicine, Psilocybin, and the Non-Negotiable of Discernment
We also talked about plant medicine Melissa has deep experience here and I want to echo what I said in the episode:
If you explore plant medicine, please be cautious.
Work with grounded, reputable, experienced facilitators. Your nervous system and your psyche deserve real support.
How Melissa Describes Psilocybin (In Plain Language)
She described it like this:
- Your conscious mind and subconscious mind are usually in their usual roles
- In a journey, they essentially “swap seats”
- The subconscious comes forward old patterns, stored emotions, blind spots
- You may receive what you need, not what you expected
And that’s why intention matters… but also why surrender matters.
Again: not a casual “weekend vibe.” A sacred experience that requires respect.
(And yes, she also shared that “random concert mushrooms from a stranger” are basically a recipe for chaos—discernment is everything.)
Human Design, Astrology, and the Healing Power of Being Seen
Toward the end, we weaved in Human Design and astrology, because that’s my love language.
Melissa is a Manifesting Generator, and her life screams that energy: building something huge, pivoting, exploring new worlds, following fascination, learning fast, mastering quickly, and then… moving again.
So many people judge MGs (and Generators) for pivoting. But that pivoting is often alignment.
And I shared from my own perspective as a Projector how life changed when I stopped trying to hustle like someone I’m not and started honoring my rhythm, my invitations, and my energetic design.
Why These “Maps” Help So Much
Melissa said it perfectly: when you get a reading (HD or astrology), you often leave feeling…
- seen
- validated
- more confident in how you’re wired
- less ashamed of your natural rhythm
And that’s the point.
Not to put you in a box.
But to hand you your permission slip back.
Give Yourself Permission to Be Bad at Something
One of the most unexpectedly powerful moments was Melissa talking about kiteboarding, how she started later, was awful at it at first, got hurt, kept going… and eventually built real mastery.
And it sparked this reminder:
Kids try things. They’re bad at them. They keep playing.
Adults try something for five minutes, decide they “suck,” and quit.
If you want new neural pathways, new confidence, new life?
You have to be willing to be bad at something long enough to become free.
Coming Home to Yourself: The Real Theme of This Episode
If I could sum up this whole conversation in one phrase, it would be:
returning to yourself.
Not the version of you that performs.
Not the version of you that tries to be “right.”
Not the version of you that fits the mold.
The you that’s honest.
The you that’s curious.
The you that trusts the pull.
The you that can sit with an emotion without fixing it.
Melissa said something I loved:
“Don’t let the loudest voice win. Let your voice win.”
And here’s the beautiful part:
when you get still, your voice doesn’t even have to be loud.
It just becomes clear.
Try This: A 1-Minute Practice for the Next 30 Days
If your life is full: kids, work, responsibilities, noise, this is for you.
You don’t need a retreat. You don’t need Maui. You don’t need a major life overhaul.
Your 1-Minute “Come Home” Practice
Once a day, do this (yes, even in the bathroom with the fan on):
- Put a hand on your chest
- Take one slow breath
- Ask: “What do I need right now?”
- Give yourself one small thing (softness, water, truth, a boundary, rest, a walk, a no)
Do this for 30 days and just notice what changes.
No shame.
No perfection.
Just presence.
Episode Takeaways
What to remember
- Fulfillment doesn’t come from the “thing,” it comes from the feeling you think the thing will give you.
- Nervous system regulation isn’t glamorous, but it is life-changing.
- Performance gets celebrated, but stillness is where you meet yourself.
- Beauty can be playful… or it can be a mask. Check the motive, not the method.
- If you explore plant medicine, discernment and safe facilitation are non-negotiable.
- Human Design and astrology aren’t boxes; they’re mirrors.
- Being willing to be “bad” at something is a shortcut to freedom.
Journal Prompts (Save These)
For self-worth + “inside-out” healing
- What am I reaching for outside myself right now, and what feeling do I think it will give me?
- How can I give myself that feeling today in one small, internal way?
- Where am I performing instead of being?
For nervous system regulation
- Where do I avoid stillness, and what do I fear I’ll feel if I slow down?
- What’s one micro-moment of safety I can create for myself each day?
For authenticity
- Where do I feel most like myself?
- Where do I feel the most pressure to be “acceptable”?
Want Support in Coming Home to Yourself?
If this episode spoke to you and you’re ready to stop performing and start living in alignment, I’d love to support you.
My 2026 Look Ahead sessions are open in January (limited spots). We’ll look at what’s coming through Astrology, Numerology, Chinese Astrology, and Tarot, and I’ll help you create a grounded, clear plan to move through 2026 with more trust, ease, and confidence.
If you’re feeling the pull, follow it.
Free for you
Curious what your energy is
actually wired to do?
Your Human Design chart is a blueprint of how you’re built to think, create, decide, and move through the world. Run yours free and get a look at how your energy actually works.
